How to handle a fixation on your teacher…
It’s not uncommon for a student to have a crush on their teacher so you’re definitely not alone. That said, having a crush on your teacher can be embarrassing, painful, and basically a bit of a nightmare…
Everyone Gets Crushes
Ask any adult (parents included!) and they will probably admit to having had a bit of a crush on a teacher at some point during their school years. Nearly every teenager, past and present, will go through a phrase of fancying someone they know they shouldn’t. It’s a normal part of growing up, but sometimes it can be difficult to deal with. Having feelings for someone who doesn’t feel them back hurts.
Crushes are usually harmless and there’s nothing wrong with having a secret fantasy. Thankfully, most crushes bloom, fade and then pass with time, but when you’re in the thick of it, it can feel all-consuming and even painful.
Dealing With Your Teacher Crush
It can help to think about the realities of the situation to get some perspective. While it’s harmless to daydream about getting married to your teacher, it’s equally important to recognise that a relationship with your teacher is never going to happen. There are many, many reasons why, but the biggie is that it’s illegal for a teacher to become involved with a student and they could face legal charges. The law applies even if you’re over 16 – ‘A sexual relationship between someone who is in a position of trust and a person to whom that trust extends, is criminal.’
Realising and accepting this can be painful but it’s important. It’s OK to feel sad about this so be kind to yourself and give yourself time to deal with it. Do fun things with friends, spend time with people you love and look after yourself.
Don’t Tell Your Teacher
It is really important, no matter how strongly you feel, to not tell the teacher. It may feel like the only thing to do but the reality of doing it can never lead to a positive result. First of all, it will be embarrassing for you and for them. Secondly it could have huge potential issues for their career if rumours start or people hear you have spoken to them. It is important to remember they are real people and there are real consequences to this kind of thing. No matter how much you like them try to avoid telling them.
Switch Your Focus
- Try to think of your teacher in a different way. Remind yourself of the age difference or focus on the things you don’t like about them. Push romantic thoughts aside and look at the realities.
- Focus on yourself and your happiness. Spend more time with people your own age where you’re more likely to develop a crush on someone who is age appropriate.
- Try to focus on your work, rather than your teacher. You don’t want your crush to interfere with your schoolwork.
Concentrate On School
It may seem a little dull compared to the incredibly strong feelings for your teacher but try to focus on your schoolwork. Your crush will fade over time, but your school results will be with you for many years to come. This isn’t an easy thing to do but try not to let your crush get in the way of doing your best.
Do Not Engineer Being Close to Them
It may be very tempting to do everything you can to be around them but try not to engineer situations. For example, they may run an after school club you have no interest in but joining it will mean you see them more. Ultimately this is only hurting you. You will be using up your time and energy on things you are not interested in just to be near them. You may also be putting them at risk if any close situations arise. Remember to be yourself and do things you like doing, try not to change just to be near your crush. It is also important to remember your friends and your social life at school. Do not let your crush take you away from those who care about you and want to spend time with you. They are important people in your life and they need you as well.
Talking About Your Crush
Be careful who you confide in – you don’t want your crush to be a topic of gossip at school! If you feel the need to confide in someone, make sure it’s someone you trust. Hopefully, talking about your feelings will help.
If your crush is making you feel very worried, anxious or upset, it might help to chat to someone you don’t know, like our supportive Hidden Strength counsellors. You can download the app for free here:
IOS: https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/hidden-strength/id1565180829
Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.hiddenstrength.app
