What to do when you discover your teen has been watching porn…
Recent research by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) shows that children and teenagers are stumbling across and viewing porn from as early as seven or eight years old. Most of the youngest children (over 60%) said that they had stumbled across it accidentally. The report also showed that more than half (51%) of 11–13-year-olds reported that they had seen pornography at some point, rising to 66% of 14-15-year-olds.*
It’s Normal To Be Curious
Extremely worrying statistics, indeed, but sadly not surprising given the concerning accessibility young people now have to sexual content. Long gone are the days of finding a stash of porn magazines in a bush or a naughty video tape under Dad’s bed… nowadays, pornographic material of all kinds is available at the touch of a button. The fact is that teens have always sought out porn – it’s just more readily available nowadays.
That doesn’t make it any less shocking when you first discover your teen has been viewing explicit content but it’s important not to freak out. Give yourself time to think about how you want to tackle the subject and work out what you want to say to your teen. Yes, it can be embarrassing to talk to your teen about sexual stuff, but having well-informed, calm discussions about sex is healthy. Try to avoid being accusatory when you talk to your teen about watching porn and be as open and honest as you can. We’ve pulled together some helpful pointers for talking to your teen about sex here.
Why Watching Porn Can Be Harmful To Your Teen
While porn is often seen by teens as harmless content for fun or masturbatory purposes, the truth is that pornography can be harmful. That’s why it’s important to talk to your teen about the darker side of porn, and to discuss the problems that can arise.
- PORN IS UNREALISTIC
One of the biggest problems is that pornography creates a completely unrealistic attitude towards sex. Violent or aggressive sexual scenes can distort a person’s view on what sex is about. This can lead to problems with sexual violence, sexism and negative attitudes towards future sexual partners.
- Explain to your teen that porn isn’t a true representation of healthy sex between two people. Talk about how porn often objectifies women and glamorises sexual violence and this is never an acceptable way to treat a woman. Discuss consent, and why it’s so important to treat sexual partners with the respect and care they deserve. You can read more about consent here.
- NEGATIVE BODY IMAGE
Watching porn also creates unrealistic expectations around sexual performance and body image. Many people feel bad about their own body when they see how people look in porn videos. Many also worry about how they measure up to a porn star’s performance. It’s important to stress to your teen that porn is exaggerated and is not a realistic portrayal of sex.
- Talk to your teen about how porn can create unrealistic body expectations. Explain that many of the actors in pornographic films have had surgery, lip fillers, breast enhancements etc. Get more advice on boosting your child’s body image here. You can also talk about the sexual acts that take place in porn and explain that a person should never feel pressurised into trying these acts (anal and oral sex, for example) – sex should be pleasurable and comfortable for both partners.
- PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION
Watching porn can become a habit that can sometimes develop into an addiction. It can be very easy to become hooked on porn, which can affect an individual’s social life, relationships and quality of life.
- Talk to your teen about the risks of becoming addicted to pornography and how porn can affect sexual relationships. Watching too much porn can make it difficult to feel aroused in real life, and it can also lead to unrealistic and sometimes harmful expectations. Read more about the signs of being addicted to porn here.
- DISTURBING OR UPSETTING CONTENT
Another risk is that your teen might see something they don’t feel comfortable with. There are many disturbing images and videos in circulation that could cause distress. It’s very easy for teens to stumble across something they don’t want to see when they’re looking at porn online.
- Talk to your teen about the importance of staying safe online and what to do if they come across content that shocks or upset them. Reassure them that you won’t be angry if they’ve seen something upsetting that they shouldn’t have been looking at. It can also help to talk about why it’s never a good idea to share explicit content with others because it could upset or shock someone else. Read more about supporting your teen when they’ve seen something disturbing online here.
Looking for more support with talking to your teenager about sexual issues? Click here.
*BBFC findings: https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-us/news/children-see-pornography-as-young-as-seven-new-report-finds
